31 August 2008
30 August 2008
27 August 2008
25 August 2008
24 August 2008
20 August 2008
19 August 2008
14 August 2008
11 August 2008
06 August 2008
06 July 2008
19 May 2008
16 March 2008
22 February 2008
06 February 2008
05 February 2008
So after weeks of rude awakenings, I came to the conclusion that some people were just not meant to be loved. Is it punishment for something one has done in the past? Or is it just one's fate in life. I suppose being Chinese I do believe in fate and the whole "it was meant to be this way" thinking. I suppose life is a punishment/reward system. You do the right thing and you are rewarded... you know the rest. What I'm trying to figure out is what is it that makes me a bad person that deserves punishment. I suppose it could either be that I have selective memory and only choose to remember what I want leading to the reason why I don't know why I'm being punished OR that I'm really that self righteous and I don't think I do wrong or bad things. I would like to think it's not the latter reason. After all I hate that trait in people. Which THEN leads me to think if I am self righteous then I should thoroughly despise myself. I suppose it doesn't matter if I'm self righteous or not at this point, what's there to love about me? They say you should love yourself before you can love someone else, well I tried that and it still didn't work. So then now what? I should just continue to hate myself and just curl up in a ball and hope not to wake up tomorrow. *sigh*
27 January 2008
Omg, I feel like the walking dead this weekend. It's not a fever because I don't have a temperature. It's a bad cough and stupped up dose. Doesn't help that I'm still depressed about the living situation and the fact that the one that I love is so far away. Well, all those who know me knows that that's over but we're still good friends. Is it wrong to be in love with your friend? I dunno. Have to concentrate on me for a little while. Feeling like I'm in limbo right now. Not sure if it's because I'm sick or it's something else. Who knows. Sitting here waiting for dinner to be ready. Feel like sleeping and not waking up. Dreams are so much better than real life. *sigh*
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